oof

Sorry to be basic, but my topic is going to be about abortion.  One side of this argument could be used to say abortion is good, the other side could say that abortion is bad.  In today’s society this debate can be very exciting and controversial, so it should be a good one.  Now that 2019 has begun, I look back at this school year and give myself props just for making it this far.  It has been such a struggle to keep up with everything including schoolwork, practice, chores, and my job, I just couldn’t wait for the weekend to come.  Even when the weekend comes, I just sit at home to recover from the whole week, so I never hang out with anyone because Im always so tired.  The only thing I would like to improve is my GPA, because that is not where it is supposed to be right now, and I don’t like losing sleep, so she gotta get back up there.  The only thing I can do to get that up is just trying harder even though Im giving it everything I have, so the next semester should be fun (not).  Sleep deprivation is the one thing that will keep me from this goal because I always push until I pass out and since I am already doing that, I am going to have to tap into my sleep schedule to make sure I can get all my homework done and do maximum studying.  Even with doing all of this, it is going to be hard to get the GPA up.  The amount of stress society has put on grades is not fair.  Even when I talk to my mom she always tells me “I finished college with a 4.0”, yeah well Kristen doesn’t get that courses have gotten harder since 1990.  She also forgets that I am taking a lot of science and math courses, which my future depends on, and that she \got her degree in teaching.  I don’t know if it is just me but, I think there is a little bit of a difference between the stress of her education and mine.  It just might be me though, not sure.

All the virtues I violated

I literally had no energy to put any effort into attempting to practically stay “holy” for the whole week but I tried.  It was hard for me to do anything for at least 2 days after my surgery, all I did was sleep but for the time I was awake I think I followed these virtues somewhat correctly.

Appreciation- Pretty easy not to violate.

Cleanliness- . . . . Only because I wasn’t allowed to brush my teeth after surgery.

Acceptance- I accepted the fact that this whole week is just buns so I got over it.

Silence- . . . . . . . Everyone reading this knows no matter how hard I try, I will find something to complain about.

Sincerity- . . . Shaye was really getting on my nerves. 

Temperance- I actually followed this because all I could eat was mashed potatoes and even when I ate them I could only eat a spoonful. 

Commitment- I don’t quit.

Tranquility- . . . . I was inconvenienced quite a bit this week.

Justice- Didn’t violate this one wow Im surprised.

Industry- . . . . . . . I always waste my time playing games.

Frugality- I don’t have money to spend anyways.

Order- I am so OCD so this will never be violated.

Moderation- I don’t consider my life extreme so this wasn’t violated either.

Humility- I do think highly of myself thanks.

Chastity- Hahahah don’t have to worry about violating this one #nolife

Basically, to be able to not violate any of these virtues would be really hard.  I truly do not think Franklin did all of these because it is practically impossible, no one is perfect.  I don’t think the things I had dots next to were really that bad just because everyone is flawed.  Who would learn anything in life if everything was done perfectly anyways? Reflecting on these results tells me that maybe I should stop complaining so much but I don’t know if I am going to stop because it makes me feel better some how.  I couldn’t tell you why, but I really do think it helps.  Also living with 2 other girls all under one roof gets pretty crazy so I think the amount of times I lost it on her has to be somewhat acceptable.  I guess I should stop playing so many games.

 

I had a hard time inserting a picture… I tried 2 different ones and it wouldn’t work but it was going to be a Christmas tree.

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               /         \                                <——– My picture of a Christmas tree.

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Oh would you look at that… More poetry

My first impression on The Dodo’s Conundrum was that it was terrible and I hate analyzing poetry.   I read this poem at least 10 times and still cannot comprehend what the main focus is for this poem.  I think I may know the theme, but knowing my luck I have it completely wrong.  What i got out of this poem for the theme at least is no matter how hard you try sometimes things just don’t go your way.  I also feel like as long as you have information to back up your theme, it can’t be wrong.  I still have a lot of questions, but they’re the questions that I can’t ask because it gives away the theme.  I think I just have to keep reading it over and over again until I fully understand what the poem means.  The sound of sense questions for this were definitely harder than they ever were in Eldorado.  I literally knew nothing about the poem even after reading it for a good 20 minutes straight.  Even though I didn’t understand the poem at all I really liked it because I feel like when I finally understand it and get that “click”, then I’ll love the poem and genuinely relate to it.  I am just struggling with this poem because everything is so hard and so challenging and I don’t like it because we have to write a stupid paper on it and I still have yet to get a specific theme for this poem.  My analyzing skills from previous poems have not prepared me for this moment.  I am surly destined for failure at this point.  Me actually writing a poem has not helped me in any way shape or form at all because I didn’t get this deep theme or feeling from it.  I know that I’m not advanced in English at all, my mom makes sure to point that out, but dear lord I don’t care how advanced anyone is I know that they are going to have issues with The Dodo’s Conundrum.  Especially since its not published so the internet is out of the question

Poem

I don’t think I hate poetry as much now just because I can respect poets and how hard they actually have to think in order to write a poem with rhyme and rhythm.  The difference between my first poem and my second poem was that the second one actually had meaning to me.  The second poem was about my dog biscuit, she had passed away last fair.  The poem talked about how we as the kids grew up, and how she was always there right by our side for those milestones until one day she wasn’t.  It’s really sad to think about and I didn’t like writing the poem because it made me sad but I do personally think it is easier to write a poem about something you care about.  I really don’t know the right answer to what pictures to put down for the visual part of the poem, but I would start with a nice home and a family inside holding a puppy. Then I would let the reader know we’re traveling through milestones with this pup that grows up like first snow storm, first day of school, etc. Then I would unfortunately have to show her becoming old and less energetic, and then for the end I think I would have her burial site with her favorite stuffed animals on top.  I really doubt that’s is what was asked of us to describe, but it’s what comes to mind when reading my poem.  My poem was really sad, but I think that it shows just how much I loved her, and that to me is worth being a little sad while writing it.  I also think it’s different for the people that are writing the poem and the people that are reading it.  For instance, my poem about my dog biscuit, has sentimental value, and really shows that our family loved her with everything we had.  But for someone standing on the other side, it could just look like a girl writing about her dog and how sad she is.  There are just so many different ways to interpret poetry, and the only way you’ll know how the poet wanted you to react, is to ask him or herself.

Stupid Poetry

I hate poetry to begin with, so the poems we have been reading have not been fun for me and neither is this poetry assignment, or this blog.  The discussion about Eldorado went in one ear and out the other because no matter how many times someone tells me the poem is dark, I can’t see it.  I didn’t like the poem at all really like what even is Eldorado.  I’m probably just in a mood because I just got “yelled at” more like talked to in a stern voice by Mr. P because we didn’t let him talk we just jumped to conclusions and he got salty, so yeah the poems suck.  But its fine i’ll just suck it up and continue to “analyze” the little paragraphs you English teachers call “stanzas” and sip my tea.  Also the poem I am writing about now used to be about how much school stresses me out and how depressed it makes me, but I decided to change it that way I didn’t get sent down to the office for having “dark thoughts”.  Now my poem is about the old troll and he doesn’t have any friends, and also he’s fat, and the only person he has to talk to is a rat.  I used personification by making the rat talk and making the troll feel bad about himself.  Also I plan on using simile and metaphors for my other two requirements for this dumb assignment.  There’s not much else I have to say about poetry because the only poetry I actually like to read is Dr. Seuss, and that’s obviously not an option for 11th grade English.  I just really hate the fact that we have to analyze and pick the whole thing apart, I would much rather just be able to read it and answer questions like “How did you interpret this poem?” That would be a whole lot easier and I may actually enjoy it, but god forbid anyone enjoy poetry because that would be just terrible for a teacher to not make their students analyze every word in the poem.  #triggered

Looking for Alaska

There was one thing I did not like about this book and that was the character Pudge.  Throughout the whole novel, all Pudge talks and thinks about is Alaska, and *spoiler* when she dies, the only person he feels that should be affected by it is himself.  I actually started reading the book because I thought she might get kidnapped or something just by reading the cover, but the more I read the more I realized that probably wouldn’t happen.  I read the book anyway and it turned out to be pretty good.  My thoughts changed a lot while reading this book.  At first I thought it was boring because it was just talking about three teenagers at a private school just living their lives, but then after a while things started to get interesting.  Probably about a third through the book, chip, Alaska, and Pudge all get drunk and blow things up and try to start trouble with the older kids that went to their school.  They even went as far as putting permanent blue hair dye in the jocks shampoo for being mean to Alaska, and throwing Pudge into the lake all tied up on his first night at the school.  My favorite character in this book was Alaska, only because I couldn’t figure her out.  She was so smart in school, and knew how to get herself out of trouble, but there were some points in the book where she would just freak out and get crazy drunk.  I just didn’t understand her until the end.  She had a boyfriend at the time so whenever she would go crazy Chip and Pudge just assumed it was because of him, but after a while they became suspicious.  They would all go into the woods by a lake and find their stash of wine and just drink until they were unbelievably drunk.  One night, it was too much and Alaska had drank the most out of everyone.  She realized what day it was after a whole night of drinking, and started crying hysterically.  All she kept saying was “I have to leave”, over and over until she finally did.  The next morning, hungover Chip and Pudge, wake up to the head principle at their door informing them that last night, Alaska had died from a collision on the interstate.  Chip and Pudge felt responsible for her death because they were the ones that let her get into the car and drive away, but they weren’t sure if it was suicide or an accident.  Her blood alcohol level had been so high, they decided to test on themselves if she should’ve been able to successfully stay in her lane or not.  After stealing the Breathalyzer from the General’s house, they tested how drunk she had to be and it could have went either way.  Accident, or suicide.  In the end they figure out from talking to her boyfriend that it was her mom’s birthday, and Alaska being the kind person she was thought her mother would think she forgot about her since she didn’t come sooner.  That is why in the car accident they found white flowers in the back of the car.  She took the flowers her boyfriend had given her, and took them to put on her mother’s grave, but unfortunately they never made it.   Looking back at this book, it made me depressed to think about because Alaska, already drunk out of her mind, died thinking her mom wouldn’t forgive her for forgetting her birthday.  Everyone copes with greif differently, but this is when i got annoyed with Pudge because he felt that Alaska was his and he was the only one allowed to mourn her death.  I personally would have preferred his character to have a different view on the death because its already sad to begin with and then on top of that, you have to deal with someone selfish like Pudge.

The Lovely Bones

After reading this book, The Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold, I cried.  The beginning was so terribly frightening for anyone that sees themselves with children in the future, but somehow Sebold was able to make it warm through the little girls perspective.  Susie, the little girl that had been raped and then murdered only a couple miles from her house watches her family struggle and cope with the loss of their child and reading that part of the book was extremely hard for me because I can’t even imagine how the family was feeling.  Especially because the only thing they found was an arm.  But eventually after you get past the first couple of chapters the book really starts to focus on Susie, and how she pictures heaven and it makes the whole reading experience great for me because how she pictures heaven is so beautiful and meaningful.  She doesn’t want to leave her family, but she finds others that have been raped and killed up in her heaven by the same man and wants to go with them, but parts with herself to stay in the “middle” so she can keep watching her family.  While watching, she saw her dad, Jack, start to go crazy because the police had no new leads, which led to driving him and his wife apart.  Abigail, Susie’s mother,  starts an affair and moves to California which takes a toll on the whole family.  Susie being selfless thinks this is all her fault and feels terrible about it.  This only continues when for months Jack had convinced himself that their old neighbor, Mr.Harvey, was the one who killed his little Susie, and he was.  One night Jack thought he saw Harvey in the cornfield, where the murder took place and ran out to see.  Unfortunately for Jack, they were two teenagers that beat him literally half to death.  The sad thing about this book is that through Susie’s perspective, she shows you how beautiful her heaven is, but it hurts her to watch what is happening down on earth to her family.  She continues to battle back and fourth with beautiful and evil and it is just heart breaking to read about a 14 year old having to go through this, dead or alive.  Even in her heaven, she is suffering just to see her family.  I started reading the book because I knew it was a movie, but I also knew I had the book at home, so I thought I would read the book, and then watch the movie.  Surprisingly, the book and the movie are very similar.  In fact almost the whole first page of the book was put into the movie.  My thoughts changed from depression to somewhat uplifting by the end of the book because it was still extremely sad, but Susie finally allowed herself to let go and finally travel one hundred percent into heaven.  It also makes me feel really happy because in the end, Harvey got what was coming for him.  After raping, and then cutting up that poor girls body and repeating that with girls prior, he was hit with an icicle and rolled down an embankment to his death.  Just thinking about that man makes me want to be sick.  My favorite part of this whole book was when Susie had gotten a camera and the whole happy family was playing outside with not one single problem on their minds.  In one of the pictures, Harvey was in it.  He was clipping his roses, and just to think he was watching her that whole time makes me hope that everyone in the world like Harvey gets their karma.  Susie was a beautiful girl, and it showed through how she pictured her heaven.  I empathize for Susie, and my interpretation on this book might have been a little different than others.  The fact that Susie stuck around to watch her family struggle without her, led me to believe that even pain can make its way into heaven, if you care about them that much.  Pain or not, you want them in your life dead or alive.  I hope my heaven is just a little like Susie’s.  It was beautiful.

Blog 6

The difference between my first initial concept and my concept now is that I think I want the ending to be about the dad.  At first I had the daughter Jo say, “with bloody hands, I say goodbye,” but now while I am revising it, I think it would make the story better if the husband says it because he is the reason the wife dies in the first place.  I’m not really sure how this is going to work though because I have Jo being the person of interest for most of my story, but then at the end it switches over to the dad being the main character for the last little part of the story.  I think it will be okay though because it makes the story better and it makes more sense to do it this was for the overall sense of the story.  I am actually excited about how my short story turned out because it is interesting, and after revising, I think my grade will at least be a 90 which is good enough for me since I didn’t want to use the six word short story anyways.  But as far as the AR, I am only about to finish my first book which is sad for my life because I wanted to start reading Harry Potter, and those books are so thick I don’t think I could read 2 of them per quarter.  I have more to life than sitting at home and reading.  But I hope I can make an agreement with Mcgarry about only having to read one Potter book per quarter since they are so thick, because if not then I won’t be able to enjoy reading it.  I can definitely see myself just skimming to get it done and I would much rather enjoy it instead.  

salty

My story pretty much developed from one of things that scares me the most when I get older and have kids.  In today’s society, having your children taken or having your house invaded is really starting to happen on a regular basis and it’s terrible, but my house is going to be ready for it.  So this story is going to be about a family that had just moved to the area and bought an old Victorian house that has hidden rooms and places for them to hide when they get invaded.  The exercises we have done in school had led me to decide to tell the story from the daughters point of view, and also led me to change some things that happen in the story.  I would really just prefer to write a story and let my mind take me to wherever the story wants to go, so this writing process has been quite annoying.  I feel like it is a good plot and idea, but I just don’t like the fact that we are forced to use the six word short story thing because I didn’t want anyone to die but now someone has to.  So this deconstruction process has really just made the story worse in my opinion.  I feel if we were allowed to write what we wanted without the six word short story idea,  my story would flow better and I would have a passion to make the story great, but the attitude I have towards this short story now is to just get it done as fast as possible because its due Monday and I have no time to do it.  This is really unfortunate because I enjoy writing short stories and getting to be creative but the deadline, (that was set for over fair week while I work 70 hours have hockey and have to park cars)  just ruined the whole experience.  The fact that we had to “nit pick” our idea ruined it too.  I feel like a good story should only have an idea of what you want the plot to be about and then be able to write about whatever comes to you.

The worst thing you’ll ever read

I apologize in advance because this blog is terrible.  I had no interest in writing this at all so its gonna be bland.  Sorry not sorry.  I honestly don’t know what I think about my book at the moment.  I am reading The Outsider, by Stephen King, and I’m still debating whether I like it or not.  The main style of text is interrogation, so it’s a little different than what i’m used to reading.   There has been a murder and an investigation is taking place.  It’s also a little hard to read sometimes just because they’re investigating a murder of a child, and its sad at times especially since I want to have kids one day and this can easily happen to anyone’s child.  The police department has a man named Terry Maitland in custody, and they claim that he is the one who has murdered the boy.  This is the part that actually interests me because this guy is a English teacher and supposedly was at a seminar with other teachers when the murder took place, but there were several eye witnesses that had seen him in town either before or after the murder had taken place.  What is so interesting though is the fact that the seminar was a couple hours away, so if they have footage of him being at this seminar, than there is no way he could’ve been in town to dump the body in the park where it was found.  Terry’s lawyer is very confident that he is getting out of this with no charges since they have footage of him being at the seminar, but if the DNA found on the child’d body comes back as Terry Maitlands, then I honestly don’t know what to think I have to keep reading i’m only 200 pages in.  Kinda wish I started to read Lord of the Rings instead since I had just finished The Hobbit because that’s the prelude to the Lord of the Rings and I feel like the information would have been fresh in my head, but i was at the beach in a book store because my little sister had to go to the bathroom so
I waited for her in there and I started to read the back of the book i’m reading now and it sparked my interest so hopefully it picks up a little and I enjoy it.  Also a little rant for the weekend blog I was triggered all day because we lost to coughlin 3-1 and every single goal wasn’t my dang fault because it was 3 of them against me every time while the defenders stood behind them and the midfield munched on their popcorn watching the show from the 50 yard line.  I am triggered.